Including Ichthyosis from First Date to ‘I Do’

Like many in their 20s, I struggled with dating, especially since I graduated college in 2020 during a global shutdown. Instead, I focused on my career and my friends and family. I lived with my best friend from college in my early 20s, so I never felt overly lonely or had too much time to long for a relationship. I stayed occupied with my busy social life, graduate school, and my family.

However, somewhere along the way, I created a dating app profile. Even though I was surrounded by so many friends and family, I knew I wanted to find a partner to share life with. I must admit I didn’t think much of my ichthyosis when I created the profile. I knew it would have to come up eventually with potential partners, but I was not overly eager to broach the topic.

When I first matched with PJ, we texted for a little while before deciding to meet in person. I was hesitant to mention anything about my ichthyosis, but I started to get very nervous about what could happen if I didn’t. My worries included “What kind of lotion should I use so if we hug, I don’t get his shirt greasy?” and “What if he wants to sit outside at the restaurant and I overheat?”

Before our first date, PJ asked me what my dealbreakers were in a relationship. I wasn’t planning to say anything serious, but he opened up about what he wanted in the future, which made me comfortable being honest with him about my skin condition and needs. Relieving this worry made all the other normal first date worries that much easier to deal with.

After dating for a couple of years, PJ and I got engaged in October 2024 and plan to get married in December 2025. PJ has a keen understanding of what life with ichthyosis is like for me. He knows to get me an ice pack when I have overheated or to grab a tube of lotion for the road when we leave the house. I guess I got lucky and fell into a relationship with the right person for me.  PJ has always shown a curiosity and a desire to understand me. He admitted that he tried to research ichthyosis before our first date so that he would better understand without having to ask me anything (He said he never found much…. Obviously, he didn’t come across the FIRST website!). I never asked him to do any of this, but this care and compassion for me and his work to understand every facet of my life means so much to me.

Throughout our relationship, I have had to advocate and teach him more about me along the way. For instance, I think a big surprise for him was just how much I need to vacuum! About a year into dating, we went to the Caribbean with his family for a vacation and I had to do my fair share of teaching and advocating in terms of tolerating the heat and not overheating. I must advocate for myself, but PJ has also always approached any facet of my life with empathy and compassion -- and that is one of the many reasons why he is the perfect match for me.

I am certain that not everyone would be this compassionate towards me and forward-thinking to make me comfortable on our first date and throughout our relationship. However, in a way, having ichthyosis and the needs that present with it was a sure way to filter out any partners who were not the right match for me. Ichthyosis certainly made things a little bit more complicated with dating, but I never let it be at the forefront of my mind and once I found the right person, I brought it up and they were able to show me if we were meant to be together. 

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Neither FIRST, its Board of Directors, Medical & Scientific Advisory Board, Board of Medical Editors, nor Foundation staff and officials endorse any treatments listed here.  All issues pertaining to the care of patients with ichthyosis should be discussed with a dermatologist experienced in the treatment of their skin disorder.