MY LIFE AS AN ICHTHYOSIS MOM
Things definitely did not start out easy. I was a freshman in college with huge plans and dreams for my future…but it was all crushed in a hurry when I made a life-changing choice and I was faced with an unplanned teen pregnancy. I became a single mom on June 15, 1986. I will never forget that day.
I remember going to the doctor on Friday for a check-up. It was still 3 weeks until my due date, and he said he expected me to go full-term. It was weird…but I had this strong sense that the baby was going to come early. On Saturday, our family attended my cousin’s wedding and then a graduation party. My brother Mark kept trying to get me to dance. I finally gave in when the Blues Brothers were playing, but at the end of the song, he dipped me and lost his balance. We fell to the ground and his knee hit my lower back. I was up all night with muscles spasms…and when the labor started, every labor pain was accompanied by more muscle spasms.
On Sunday morn, we headed to the hospital. I had this really strong belief that something was going to be wrong with the baby. I couldn’t explain it…I just knew. I also decided not to breast feed. I didn’t know why…just that I shouldn’t. And I knew that even though something was going to go wrong, somehow, the baby would be okay. I truly believe that this was God preparing me for what was to come.
The delivery went quickly, but I knew the moment I looked at my mom’s face that something was wrong…VERY wrong. Little Bailey Rae was born encased in a collodion membrane. The best way to describe it is to say she looked like a little “sausage”. There was fluid between the membrane and her skin. I didn’t even get to hold her! They brought her over in an incubator so I could reach in and touch her. Then, within 20 minutes of her birth, she was life-flighted to the nearest NICU. My doctor looked in his medical books and came in to tell me he believed she had ichthyosis. A dermatologist at the NICU called me the next day and confirmed it was lamellar ichthyosis.
I wasn’t released from the hospital until Tuesday, so she was 2 days old when I finally got to hold her! She stayed in the NICU for two weeks, until most of the membrane had peeled off. An unplanned teen pregnancy radically changes your life. Being a single parent is incredibly difficult, and having a baby born with ichthyosis is truly overwhelming. As fate would have it, I had all three! I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without the love and support of my family. My parents offered to watch her so I could finish college. Kip and Katrina helped, too.I wish I could say it was also easy, but there were parents who called the school principal and asked to have their kids moved to a different class; people who wouldn’t touch things she had touched; kids who teased her and called her “Scaly Bailey”. Those things just broke my heart.
As the years went on, I became more and more angry at people’s reactions and Bailey became more shy. She would hide behind me because she knew she was different. It wasn’t until I watched Bailey’s reaction the first time she saw a black person that I realized it was just a natural reaction for people to stare at something they’ve never seen before (however, this still doesn’t explain their rudeness). So we decided that every time someone stared, we would smile and wave. It has helped so much. You see…my negative reaction to the stares and rudeness was only making her more insecure. It was a turning point for both of us.
However, God has blessed her with so many amazing people to help her along the way. She was loved and accepted by teachers, principals, dance teachers, and many friends along the way. She got a “daddy” who loved her like his own and adopted her and had a “sister by heart” in Cailtyn Pretak, who practically lived here at times. She had a pen pal, Laura Ashton, who was the first person she ever met with ichthyosis and who truly understood what she was going through. And there are two moments of her journey I will never forget. One, when she was crowned homecoming queen, (voted on by her classmates!), a moment we never dreamed was possible for a girl with ichthyosis.
Bailey has grown from a shy, insecure little girl into a strong, beautiful woman who now teaches little “princesses” the meaning of true beauty.
Yes…it has been extremely difficult at times, but I can honestly say that what began as my greatest challenge in life has turned out to be my biggest blessing ever. God has given me the sweetest, most compassionate and most inspirational person I have ever known as my very own daughter. Wow! Today I am feeling SO blessed to be an “Ichthyosis Mom.”
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